Step 11: Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.
Much of what I am going to write involves steps 2 & 3: coming to believe and then making a decision. to act on that new-found belief. For me, step 11 involves continuing to build on that framework whose construction is begun in those steps.
I took a guy I sponsor to a meeting last night that happened to deal with the eleventh step. Present were the usual suspects -one of whom is a fairly well known card-carrying atheist in the local recovery community. By his own admission, had he realized it was on the 11th step last night, he would have stayed home. I have noticed in the past that he has his own particular brand of program, taking pieces from the Big Book and 12&12 and slightly re-writing some of it (carefully editing out the God part) to suit his tastes. I sometimes struggle with this, but will acknowledge that he has not taken a drink in over 20 years. That said, he does often admit that he thinks about it and plans to do so one day. I often wonder if that would be the case if he had a belief in a power greater than himself that he was working on a relationship with.
I must acknowledge that the anonymous gentleman I am writing about also serves a visibly important function in the fellowship. Not only does he illustrate the fact that there is truly only one requirement for membership – a desire to stop drinking, but also that you don’t need some prescribed notion of God when you walk in the door. The step talks about God as you understand him, not as I might want you to. When I came into the fellowship, I was on the verge of self-destruction and was not looking for a new religion to try out. I had been down the religious road and it didn’t work for me. The fellowship was the last house on the block and I needed to make it work. Fortunately I was able to make it work because nobody tried to cram their religious belief system down my throat. I was able to come to terms with God as my head cleared up and sobriety crept in. The second step was vital as a turning point for me, because I came to “believe that you believe” and I liked what you had.-and thought I might have the same if I did what you did. From that point, I slowly learned the significance of prayer and meditation.
Personally I subscribe to the religion of my youth: Christianity. I see it in a different light today because I see myself differently. I am able to accept the love of the God that is taught in the Bible because I have some self-love today that I struggled without in my younger years.
When I think about the promises today, I see them as guidelines for where I am at in that particular moment; they are not an elusive goal or something far off that I must strive to achieve. They are real to me in a way I could not have imagined. Are they present in my thoughts 24/7? Of course not. There are times when I feel the fear and uncertainty and must get re-focused. At those times, I must re-connect with God as I understand Him. The only way for me to do that is through prayer and mediation, as is stated in the eleventh step.
In the book Alcoholics Anonymous, the author states that the main purpose of it is to help the reader find a power greater than themselves that will help them overcome their problem. I have come to see the truth in that in as very personal way. Initially, I was a little surprised that it didn’t say to help the reader stop drinking or something along those lines. Instead, it focused on finding a higher power. That is what I have also come to realize that the steps lead us to -if we follow them to their natural conclusion.
I don’t know how atheists can work a 12 step program with so much mention of God in it. I do know that they deserve the same shot at sobriety that I have and I believe that the God of my understanding loves them just as much as He loves me. I could not sponsor an atheist because I would have nothing to offer them -until or unless they chose to acknowledge (at least) the possibility of God. I also wonder if there is really such a thing as an atheist in the first place. I know there have been times in my life when I was angry enough to want to deny the existence of God, because I felt abandoned. There are certainly times when I have to acknowledge and deal with my own doubts in that regard. Have I ever questioned the idea of God? You bet. I think anyone who denies the occasional doubt about God is probably not being very honest with themselves, God, or you and me. Perhaps there are those who travel through life with absolute 100% confidence in the idea of the existence of God. I do know that, as Bill W. wrote, deep down inside me is the fundamental idea of the existence of God.
Sheer logic dictates the idea of God to me. The assertion that nothing comes from nothing means that something must come from something. That something for me is God. The idea of God satisfies a lot of the questions I have and seems to be the only answer that really fits when you come right down to it. Without that idea, there would be no purpose to my life. I have this innate sense of purpose today that would otherwise be lost, leaving me to wander aimlessly through life feeling very much unfulfilled.
Perhaps the reader disagrees with some or all of the assumptions I have made in this post. I am simply stating my beliefs, for which I make no apology. I don’t carry God around I my back pocket, all neatly wrapped up and ready to display as I try to sell you my ideas. I have nothing to sell. I have only my help to offer -- should somebody wish to embark on the same path of sobriety that I have chosen. I don’t care what religion somebody is and don’t claim to have the only path to God to show you. What to me is essential is that the alcoholic or addict reader find a power greater than themselves to help them overcome their problem, as Bill so eloquently wrote many years ago. Assuming that selfishness truly is the root of my problem as is claimed in the Big Book, then anything that takes me away from myself is bound to help me overcome my problem.
I used to have a friend (since passed on) who identified himself as “George the problem.” He would sometimes get a laugh from people when he made that pronouncement, and I was one of them who laughed. As time marched on and I progressed in sobriety, I came to realize that it was indeed me that was my problem – not the booze, cocaine or other substances I loved to over-indulge in. I had to get away from blaming people,places or things for my problems and look squarely at the root cause: me. Building a relationship with a higher power, which for me began with step 2, has helped that to happen.
It doesn’t matter how often I have “done the steps” or what I may think I know about them. Much like self-knowledge about alcoholism, the steps do me no good if I am not practicing them in all my affairs.
Prayer is something I was taught as a child to be my daily obligation to keep the God of my childhood understanding happy and off my back. I perceived it as something that made Him happy but did little, if anything, for me. Today I realize how wrong that point of view was. While I still believe that prayer does something for God -- since I think He loves us and wants to hear from us, I know it does far more for me than anything else. It helps me to get centered and acknowledge the things of importance that I really need. Done right, I know it’s not all about me and what I can get as much as it is about what I should be doing for others. It reminds me that there is a God and it is not me. If I am truly building the kind of relationship (friendship) with God that he wishes me to, then I should want to talk to Him. Who doesn’t enjoy spending time and communing with their closest friends? Prayer provides such a mechanism of communication for me. As much as prayer is a medium of communication, it teaches me things about myself and how I should treat others if I really hear the words I pray. How many times have I stood in a circle at the end of a meeting as we prayed the Lord’s prayer without really pondering the words? All to often, I must admit. It’s a great prayer, regardless of one’s religious beliefs – if you stop and think about what is being said or entreated of God.
Here’s one of my favorite prayers that is directly related to the 11th step:
"Lord make me a channel of thy peace -- that where there is hatred, I may bring love -- that where there is wrong, I may bring the spirit of forgiveness -- that where there is discord, I may bring harmony -- that where there is error, I may bring truth -- that where there is doubt, I may bring faith -- that where there is despair, I may bring hope -- that where there are shadows, I may bring light -- that where there is sadness, I may bring joy.
Lord, grant that I may seek rather to comfort than to be comforted -- to understand, than to be understood -- to love, than to be loved.
For it is by self-forgetting that one finds. It is by forgiving that one is forgiven. It is by dying that one awakens to Eternal Life...”
Meditation is defined by WordWeb as 1. Continuous and profound contemplation or musing on a subject or series of subjects of a deep or abstruse nature; 2. (religion) contemplation of spiritual matters (usually on religious or philosophical subjects). It is also stated there: "the habit of meditation is the basis for all real knowledge." The verb meditate is defined as thinking deeply about a subject or question over a period of time and also thinking intently and at length for spiritual purposes.
I live in a world that is cluttered with distractions. I suspect that you, the reader, occupy a similar environment. Sometimes, day to day affairs fly in and out of my mind in rapid-fire succession. When this barrage is taking place, it is nearly impossible to focus on a power greater than me and the things that should be of true value to me. At such a time, the need for meditation is most sincerely present and must be acted upon for me to return to some form of true sanity. When I engage in mediation on things of a spiritual nature, calm makes its appearance and focus returns. It is then I can reconnect to the God of my understanding and be about His business – which always makes me feel better.
Things written here are based upon my experience, that of others, and my personal belief system and/or point of view. They may or may not work for you. Whatever your point of view, if you wish to stop paying the high price of low living and find recovery in a twelve step program such as Alcoholics anonymous, Narcotics Anonymous or some other derivative, I simply ask of you to keep an open mind and go to a few meetings. Perhaps you will find what you are looking for and stop the cycle of destruction that us alcoholics and addicts find ourselves trapped in before we surrender. Remember: in Alcoholics Anonymous, the ONLY REQUIREMENT for membership is a desire to stop drinking. I suspect you will find something similar in any 12 step-based recovery program.
The following links do not necessarily represent my views and are merely presented in open-minded spirit for consideration:
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